Disillusioned
I’m trying to find a balance between loving my job and hating all the bullshit associated with doing it.
On the love it side: I feel like there is a purpose to my life, I’m good at what I do, I’m proud that I’m directing a small system of libraries right out of grad school, I’m inspired to help people and I’m challenged in my work.
On the hate it side: I have correctional officers making decisions about how the program operates and telling my staff what to do, even though it is not their place to do so. I have to defend legitimate decisions I’ve made about library operations to a grievance coordinator who insults my intelligence and treats me like I’m the criminal, all because he (the grievance coordinator) is afraid of being sued by the inmate who wants to smash my face in and sue me for discriminating against white people. Daily I’m surrounded by small-minded people (I’m not talking about inmates) who neither understand nor value what I do. And fine, they don’t know about or care about what I do – that doesn’t give them the right to tell me how to do it.
Looking at these lists, I realize that the hate-its are temporary, but the love-its will last (they’ve held strong so far). And while there will certainly be an unending list of hate-its after these have passed, the love-its will (hopefully) always be there.
But it’s hard to keep putting so much time and energy and care into it when most of what I get back is frustration, hassle and bullshit.
Where is the balance?
